Kafkaesque

"People label themselves with all sorts of adjectives. I can only pronounce myself as 'nauseatingly miserable beyond repair." -Franz Kafka

      The deepest pit  is not the surface beneath the ground. The void is not darkest space, and the infernal region is not the most petrifying place. On a certain extent, these things subsist in a tremendous world inside of us. A formidable cosmos, an endless abyss. A breeding ground for monsters.

      It is a place where breathing is different and every perspective is distorted. It is unfathomable and aloof which nothing can come except a chariot. That one day, it will roll up, will get bigger and bigger, that will fill the whole world at the moment it reaches you. You will fall into this enveloping medium like a child being submerged into the upholstery of a freight that drives through the storm and night, through the fire and brimstone.

"I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself."

      Everyone carries a room inside of him. A room that cannot be measured with a sounding line. Too vague to decipher, too enigmatic to know. It is too abstract to convince myself that it actually breaths inside me. My hallucinatory perception makes me feel that they were once real but just constantly fading away.

      But as Kafka once said, “Maybe innocence makes its way easiest through the elemental chaos of this world...” That isolation from the reality could be a more pleasant course to take. You do not have to leave the room and explore the realm beyond the sphere. Just remain seated at your table and listen. But NO, do not even listen. Simply wait, appease, and reserved. The universe will conspire to make everything happen. It will offer itself on its own accord for you to be unmasked and it will unfold in a rapturous delight at your feet.

      But sometimes the world works in another certain way. It creates various catastrophe which constantly changes its course that even if you take different sequence of steps, it will still chase you. Why? Because this catastrophe isn't a collection of particles of water or ice suspended in the air above the earth's surface and it is not a sudden turmoil provoked by the movement of plates at the bottom of the earth. This is not something that blew in from far away. This circumstance is you, this catastrophe is something inside of you. All you can do is to surrender into it. There is no sun in it, no moon, no sense of time, and no dimension. Just a constant cataclysm and a violent disturbance. It will twist you into many odd ways and it will cut through your flesh. You will bleed. You will be in pain. But there is no longer any turning back. Nevertheless, once the havoc is over, you won't remember anymore what have you been through and how you managed to survive. As a matter of fact, you won't even be sure whether the catastrophe is really over or not. But one thing is for sure. When you come out of it, it won't be the same world anymore and you won't be the same person from the one who walked in.

      It follows that, don't try to make things according to the conventional logic. Don't fix the extent of your soul according to the prevailing vogue. Be a nebula that appears imperceptible and amorphous. Paradoxically iridescent creature rather than an actual person.

Write differently from what you speak. Speak differently from what you think.Think differently from what you ought to think,and so it all proceeds into deepest darkness